Name:Funk Master Country:United States State:Iowa Metro:Quad Cities Birthday:1/19/1990 Gender:Female
Interests:Jesus.Fashion.Japan.Music. Singing.Trying to love people like Jesus does. Expertise:Farting (I can stink up somethin fierce) Occupation:Retired Industry:Fashion
Bah. I think about the past so much. I'm getting so sick of it. I can never be happy where I am now. I look in the past, see how happy I was, and look towards the future, and see how happy I will be. I don't even notice how happy I am right now. Life is great, I have great friends, an amazing boyfriend, going to school working towards what I love. Why do I look back at all pictures, and miss being happy, when I'm happy now?
I even miss being sad. I look at how giddy I am now, and then I look back at when I used to cry myself to sleep every night, my stomach would ache with misery, I miss that. Why the fuck do I miss everything?
I wonder if people from my past think about me as much as I think about them.
That being said. I'm horribly horribly happy :D I really don't deserve to be this happy. (if that makes sense)
Why do people always comment on the entries I'm not happy with? Bah.
I've been thinking a lot about old friendships lately. Not a good thing. If you know anything about me, I've had loads of problems in the past with keeping friends. They always ended up stabbing me in the back, then making me out to be the bad guy. Err. Girl. >_> anyways. I'm the horrible person in the end. I'm the one that didn't understand. I'm the unreasonable one. I'm the one that was a cry baby. I'm the one that needs to get over it.
Excuse me, I haven't thrown away being human.
You're the one who stabbed me in the back. You're the one that killed me. You're the one who didn't give a shit about me. Don't lie. I was nothing to you. I cared. You didn't. I'm in the wrong?
I'm not under the disillusion I was perfect in the end of the friendship. I know I'm not perfect, but no one can say I didn't try. Being called horrible person, pointing out all of my flaws while bawling in front of you, then running away only to hear you call me a crybaby. Yeah. I'm the bad guy. Turning the whole church against me after my parents just got a divorce and my dad was diagnosed with Cancer, when my only falling short in our friendship is that I wasn't cool enough? Yeah. I'm unreasonable. Letting me cry myself to sleep and leave scars I can still see today because you wanted to flirt with some guy? Yeah. I'm the bitch.
I should get over it yeah. It's just hard to see so many people you care about, laugh in your face when you're dying. I can't help it. You are a heartless bitch. I wouldn't treat a dog the way you treated your "best friend." You can take comfort in the fact I won't treat you the way you treated me. Cos you know, I have a soul.
Nothing new has happened. Ice storm blows. It blows I can only see Nick once a week, but it's completely worth it.
In other news:
I think I'd make a better man, than woman. I've never been good with being lovey dovey, comforting, or anything like that. I get uncomfortable when girls (or guys) cry. Sure I like clothes and hair, but I also like being an asshole with friends and making poo jokes. I don't like talking about your drama. I don't want to reassure you that you're pretty. I don't want to hear about how that bitch stole your man. I'd rather discuss Harry Potter, sing ridiculous songs, and watch Doctor Who. Sure, I take time getting ready in the morning, but I'd be more than willing to jump in puddles and have a sword battle when the time allows. I'm not good at being cutesy. I'm not good at being graceful.
I need more friends that listen to music, rather than spend time on 4chan -_- It's warping my mind.
I'm not keeping up with my New Years Resolution Oh well. I don't really care :3
Tomorrow Nick comes for a visit :3 I'm so pumped. To the point where I'm even annoying myself :D I've been a tad less ZOMG HE DOESN'T REALLY LIKE ME lately, which is a good thing.
Listening to Dir en grey, which is a great thing <3
No offence to anyone, but Dir en grey means more to me than anyone I've met IRL. Kyo has helped me though so much. <3 without him, I'd be nothing. Literally. Just some calcium and worms in the ground. When I hear his voice, it gives me so much peace, everything will be alright, no matter what's taken away from me, no one can take away Dir en grey, no one can take away Kyo's voice. Whenever I hear Dir en grey, it's like I'm home again.
